So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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