i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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