I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i think my cat just said my name.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
