When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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