hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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