Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
