Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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