there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
