This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
