wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize