Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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