I just made out with a guy for $7.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
