We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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