there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
