why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
