There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
