so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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