i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
