It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
