I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
