Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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