did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
