dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
