So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
