That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
