the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
