Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
