you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
