well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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