dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
