grandma shit on top of the toilet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
