but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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