You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
