Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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