So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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