i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
