dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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