I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
