I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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