so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
