so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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