I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
