My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's always time for handjobs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
