cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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