I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
