I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
