There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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