I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Someone shattered a urinal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
