If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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