Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
pray to the hookup gods
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
