You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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