Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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