My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
