i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
