I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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