Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
