My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
