as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
