thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
