Christians are straight up FREAKS
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I smell stomach acid.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
