she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
