I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
