There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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