He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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