I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
