I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
