I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
