I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
