Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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