I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
