My first STD was from a foam party
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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