So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
