Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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