$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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