I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
