Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
